Right, today was supposed to be the second update of the Artist’s Way but since I’ve just nearly killed myself in the kitchen, I thought a public safety announcement was in order.
Well, that and the fact that I haven’t quite finished the week’s tasks.
Now, I know if you watch the news and/or have ever had the misfortune to encounter any of the UK’s Health and Safety laws, you are well aware that there is danger all around us.
Oh yes, it’s on every street corner, under your bed, down the toilet, in Aunt Mabel’s shag pile carpet and, heaven forbid, it’s even in your fridge.
But are you aware of the evil that lurks in the depths of your washing up water? What do you mean you use a dishwasher?
Hmph! Well, assuming there is at least one other person out there who doesn’t have internal plumbing in their cave, I shall continue with my public safety announcement.
Never, ever put sharp knives in your washing up water and forget you did it. They bite.
If you’re eating, get freaked out by the sight of blood or are simply of nervous disposition please do not scroll down to the accompanying image.
Actually, if you’re on a normal sized computer you probably already saw that.
But it’s not my fault. You see, because I travel a lot, I have one of those fun-size, pretend computers that are really light and easy to carry around. The ones that come with an operating system that’s six years out of date and the really, really small screen.
Well, I got round the operating system issue by installing Ubuntu, because that’s what you do when you’re the most un tech savvy person on the planet a computer whiz like me.
But unfortunately that doesn’t solve the problem of the tiny screen. So, if that photo put you off your meal, made you faint or sent you running out of the room screaming, it’s not my fault!
Anyway, you’re lucky I’d cleaned it up before I took the pic. This wasn’t just any old knife, you know. Oh no! This was your actual Kitchen Devil. I could have bled to death. In fact, I almost did.
I would have shown you a photo of the massacre that was the washing up water but then you really would have fainted.
To be honest, I should have known better. Yes, bizarrely, one of the few things I remember from my school days is Mrs Schutte, our Housecraft teacher, warning us to never, ever put knives into the washing up water.
Actually, I remember her yelling at me for doing much the same as what I’ve just done. Okay, I also remember that she pronounced sink, zink and margarine, ma green. But, to be fair, she was Afrikaans.
I’m not exactly a domestic goddess, am I?
If the truth be told, I’m a domestic disaster. I’d much rather be stripping an engine than roasting (or boiling) a chicken.
The main reason that I was so crap at Housecraft was because I didn’t even take the subject until our Agriculture teacher left in my second year of high school (Mr Muller, I have never forgiven you!) and I was forced to take the only subject available to us girls in that time slot.
Yes, South African schools were very sexist in my day. Woodwork for the boys, Housecraft for the girls.
And that concludes this public safety announcement. Look out for part two of the Artist’s Way tomorrow – And stay safe in the kitchen. Yeah, I know. Dishwasher.