Reasons to Hate Winter #133

It’s highly unlikely, I know, but some of you may have noticed that I am a week late posting the next instalment of the Artist’s Way.

I do have a good excuse though. It was the weather’s fault. Okay, not really, but in a round about way it was. Sort off.

You see, being a bit of a hippy/troglodyte/lunatic (or any number of other disparaging names you care to insert – I’ve heard them all), I don’t wear shoes unless I really have to. And, since bare feet have NO grip at all, when it’s icy I really have to.

And on Tuesday, the day I had to travel back to work, it decided to snow again! So, shoes. But not just any shoes, oh no. My inability to remain upright on anything remotely slippery is the stuff of legend.

It had to be…

The Boots

The Boots

…The Boots!

Yeah, I know. What’s this got to do with the Artist’s Way? I’m getting there, trust me. But I haven’t written in ages and I need to waffle.

So, The Boots. I knew I was in trouble when I got out into the cold and found I was much stiffer than I thought I was from Sunday’s karate session.

I would have left the house earlier if I’d realised that the combination of The Boots (minus the spikes by the way) and my stiff muscles were going to leave me waddling like a duck with a carrot stuck somewhere ducks don’t normally stick carrots!

Convinced I was going to miss my train, I hobbled the last mile and a half to the station as fast as I could move. I survived. I made it to the station, crossed the footbridge with seconds to spare and, true to form, my train was late.

Ten minutes late. So now, I’m all hot and sweaty from my mad dash wearing more layers of clothing than most people wear in a week and footwear that holds my feet in a horribly unnatural position and standing on a freezing cold station.

My knee was already giving me trouble and I could feel my lower back tensing as I cooled down rather quickly. Sitting on the train in those ridiculously cramped seats didn’t help matters and, of course, by the time we got to Doncaster, I had missed my connection to Leeds.

Half an hour on another freezing platform and I was finally back on a train. At least this one had more leg room. Anyway, to prevent a long story getting any longer, I arrived in Leeds with just under two minutes to get from platform 6A to platform 12C.

Not an easy task wearing The Boots and carrying a rucksack containing, among other things, my laptop and a stack of books. I made it. But while I was making my crazed dash across the station a rather lost looking gentleman decided to walk from behind a staircase directly in front of me.

I managed to avoid a collision (how, I don’t know) but the sudden change in direction twisted my knee and my hip and my lower back seized up on me completely.

I survived the next train journey and the bus ride and got to work on time but I’ve been in agony with my back ever since. Today is the first day I’ve actually been able to sit behind the computer for longer than 10 minutes at a time – and that’s only because I’m alternating between co-codamol and ibuprofen every four hours and applying Deep Heat way more often than I should.

I totally know this wouldn’t have happened if I was barefoot and if it hadn’t been winter I would have been. I always run barefoot and often on countryside trails where sudden changes of direction and leaping over rabbit holes are a normal part of the outing. I’ve never once been injured doing it.

To top it all, on Thursday afternoon I had to be somewhere important which involved a 45 minute journey on icy roads and in thick fog. As if that wasn’t bad enough, five minutes from our destination a whacking great truck hit us and ripped the side out of the van.

Fortunately, other than the jolt to my back, no one was injured. Besides, I was so high on painkillers that, by this time, I didn’t actually care. And no, I wasn’t driving.

So, there you have it. My reason for not updating the Artist’s Way, or anything else for that matter.

Oh, and the first person to mention that I should have actually updated on Sunday, before the attack of The Boots, will get one squarely where the duck had the carrot!

Am I going to be arrested now for making random threats on the internet? If so, please make sure my cell has an extra firm mattress.